How to be a good sports parent (and not “that” sports parent)

What a good sports parent actually does

The honest answer: most of being a good sports parent is boring. Rides, snacks, gear that fits, showing up, keeping your face calm. The hard part is what you don’t do: coach from the bleachers, replay every mistake, or let your mood ride on the scoreboard.

Kids notice. In the Aspen Institute’s national youth survey, 86% of current players said their parents attend their games or practices, compared with 58% of former players. Current players were also far more likely to have parents who encouraged them to do their best, made sure they had the equipment they needed, told them they were proud regardless of performance, and helped them balance sports with schoolwork. The American Academy of Pediatrics puts it in one line: your child is your child first and an athlete second.

None of this replaces skill work or mental training for athletes. It makes room for both. A kid who isn’t worried about your reaction has more attention left for the next play.

How not to be “that” sports parent

Nobody thinks they’re that parent. But the Aspen survey shows the pattern clearly. Former players were more than twice as likely as current players to say they were pressured to play when they didn’t want to (21% vs. 9%). They were also more likely to say they were compared to other players (18% vs. 13%). Female former players reported higher rates of comparison (25% vs. 9% for boys), pressure to play and parents arguing with coaches or refs.

Dr. Paul Stricker, a youth sports medicine specialist quoted by the AAP, calls one driver “over-identification”: putting so much weight on the outcome that the game starts to feel like it’s about you. A quick test: if a loss ruins your evening more than theirs, that’s worth noticing.

Before, during and after games: a parent’s game plan

Print this and keep it in the car. It works for a Saturday rec game or a tournament weekend.

The AAP’s advice to parent spectators lines up: go to games expecting to see what your child does well, cheer only when it won’t distract them, don’t blame a bad play or call on the ref or another player, and ask afterward what they most enjoyed about the game.

On the sideline: five habits to practice

1. 01

   Pick a spot away from the bench

   Far enough that your voice doesn’t carry into the huddle. Close enough that your kid can find you if they look.

2. 02

   Cheer for effort, not just results

   Clap for the dive that missed, the sprint back on defense, the pitcher who walked one and then struck out the next hitter. Clap for other kids too.

3. 03

   Keep your face neutral after mistakes

   No hands on your head. No head shake. Your kid will look up after a turnover. Give them a calm face to see.

4. 04

   Leave the refs alone

   The ref is part of the game, not your target. If you’re about to say something, take a walk to the end of the field and come back.

5. 05

   Run your own reset

   Parents get nervous too. Notice your shoulders and jaw tightening. Name it with a few words like “their game.” Return to watching the next play. It’s the same reset your athlete uses after a mistake.

The car ride home: scripts that work

University of Toronto researcher Katherine Tamminen interviewed 27 athletes ages 11 to 16 and their parents about the drive home. Some kids enjoyed it. Others endured it, putting in earbuds or pretending to sleep. Her suggestions: give everyone time to cool down before talking performance, ask your child what they want the car ride to be, and agree on “rules of the road” together, like starting with something positive.

More scripts for tough days live in what to say after a bad game and helping an athlete reset after a mistake.

Working with the coach, playing time and tough calls

Let the coach be the coach. The AAP’s advice is simple: if you’re upset about how something was handled, talk to the coach privately. Not in the parking lot, not in the group chat, not in front of your child. Many families use a 24-hour wait before raising anything emotional.

From about age 12 or 13, help your athlete ask the coach first. Something like “What can I work on to earn more time?” teaches a skill they’ll use for years. See how athletes can talk to their coach.

When it’s more than a bad game

Every athlete has rough stretches. Pay closer attention if your child dreads practice for weeks, loses sleep or appetite before games, stops enjoying a sport they loved, or talks about quitting. Start with what to do when a child wants to quit and youth sports burnout. If worry or low mood is constant or affects school and home, talk to your child’s doctor or a licensed mental health professional. In a crisis in the US, call or text 988.

The best sports parents give their kids a mental game that’s their own. reset is the mental training app for athletes: short lessons and a three-step reset. Notice. Name. Return. Try a 2-minute reset, or join the waitlist.