How to help your child with sports anxiety

Start by lowering the pressure

Most kids feel nervous before games. That’s normal. Sports performance anxiety is when the worry gets big enough to take the fun out of playing or get in the way of how they play.

Parents can’t take every nerve away. But you can make sure you’re not adding to it. An American Academy of Pediatrics clinical report notes that pressure from parents who are too controlling in organized sports has been linked to performance anxiety. Texas Children’s Hospital suggests two honest questions to ask yourself: Do I praise my child mostly after good games? Do I give advice they didn’t ask for?

Explore sports performance anxiety.

What to say and what to skip

Short, warm and about them, not the result.

Before games: help them get ready, then step back

1. 01

   Leave early

   Rushing adds stress. Nationwide Children’s Hospital suggests arriving early so athletes can get familiar with the space and warm up properly.

2. 02

   Practice breathing at home

   Slow breaths in, longer breaths out. Texas Children’s recommends practicing when your child is calm, not only when they’re nervous, so it’s ready on game day.

3. 03

   Help them build a small routine

   Same warmup, one cue word, one picture of a good first play. A routine gives nerves a job. Our pre-game routine guide shows how.

4. 04

   Keep the last words simple

   “Have fun. I love watching you.” Skip the reminders and the strategy talk at the car door.

After games: let them lead

Boston Children’s Hospital sports medicine experts suggest giving your child time to feel their feelings, letting them do most of the talking, and reminding them that you love and accept them no matter what. They also suggest not rushing to fix things, not being overly critical, and not brushing it off with “it’s OK” when they clearly don’t feel OK.

1. 01

   Wait

   Give the car ride some quiet. Let them bring up the game first.

2. 02

   Ask, don’t grade

   “When you’re ready, do you want to talk about it?” works better than a replay of every mistake.

3. 03

   Keep the ritual

   If you always get ice cream after games, get it after the bad ones too. It tells them the game doesn’t change your love.

• What to say after a bad game
• How parents can reduce sideline pressure

When to get help

Talk to your child’s pediatrician or a licensed mental health professional if you notice:

1. 01

   Avoidance

   Suddenly not wanting to go to a sport they used to love. Texas Children’s notes avoidance is a common reaction to anxiety.

2. 02

   Physical complaints before games

   Headaches or stomachaches in the hours or days before a big game, again and again.

3. 03

   Never satisfied

   Unhappy even after a good game, replaying small mistakes, accepting only perfection.

4. 04

   Worry beyond sport

   The American Academy of Pediatrics lists signs like constant worry about school, friends or activities, fear of embarrassment or mistakes, and low self-confidence. Changes in sleep, appetite or mood matter too.

If your child talks about hurting themselves or is in crisis, call or text 988 in the US to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the emergency room.

You don’t have to fix it alone

Feeling anxious about sports doesn’t mean your child is weak or that you’ve done something wrong. It means the game matters to them. With calm adults around them, simple skills and the right help when it’s needed, most kids find their way back to enjoying the game.

Mental skills practice, like the short sessions in reset, the mental training app for athletes, can help athletes 13 and up handle normal game nerves. It isn’t a substitute for care from a doctor or licensed professional. Here’s the difference between mental training and therapy.