Mental toughness for young athletes: a parent guide

What mental toughness looks like in a kid

A nine-year-old boots a ground ball, kicks the dirt, then gets set for the next pitch. That’s toughness. A 16-year-old swimmer blows a turn, feels it, and holds her stroke count for the next 25. Also toughness. It isn’t a kid who never cries. It’s a kid who comes back.

The skill is the same one adults use, and our guide to mental toughness covers it for every athlete. This page is for parents: what to expect at each age, what to say, and how to practice it at home without turning the kitchen into a locker room.

It’s worth the work for more than wins. In its 2024 clinical report on young athletes, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) names mental toughness, along with hope and optimism, as protective factors against burnout.

Explore mental training for athletes.

Mental toughness at ages 8–12 vs. 13–18

Kids aren’t small adults. What toughness looks like, and how they build it, changes as they grow.

Younger kids borrow calm from the adults around them. Teens want to own it. A 10-year-old can learn one word and a glove tap. A 15-year-old can build a pre-game routine and decide what goes in it.

What to say, and what to skip

Words from the stands and the kitchen table become the voice in a kid’s head during games. Choose them on purpose.

Car-ride scripts for before and after games

The ride home is where a lot of toughness gets built or broken. Kids are tired, emotional and stuck in a seat. Keep it short. Let them talk first. Save the coaching for later, or for the coach.

• What to say after a bad game
• How parents can reduce sideline pressure

Five mental toughness drills to try at home

Each one takes five minutes or less. Pick one a week. Keep it light. If it starts to feel like homework, cut it shorter.

1. 01

   Pick a cue word

   Help your athlete choose two or three words that send them to the next play: “next ball,” “sprint back,” “big target.” Younger kids can write it on their wrist tape or glove.

2. 02

   Mistake replay

   At the kitchen table, have them picture a mistake, say their cue word, then picture the next play going right. Three rounds. Under a minute.

3. 03

   Driveway pressure reps

   Ten free throws, penalty kicks or serves, with the full routine before each one. On the last rep, a make picks the music for the drive. Small stakes, real routine.

4. 04

   One slow breath

   Practice one slow breath in through the nose and a longer breath out. Do it together at bedtime so it’s there on the bench.

5. 05

   Three-line journal (teens)

   After games, teens write three lines: one thing I controlled, one moment I reset, one thing to practice. Facts, not grades.

Want more? See our mental training exercises and what age athletes can start mental training.

How coaches build mental toughness

Coaches set the climate. In a youth basketball study, Smith, Smoll and Cumming (2007) trained coaches to build a mastery climate, where success means effort and improvement. Over the season, players on those teams reported less sport anxiety. Players with untrained coaches reported more.

A companion study ran parallel workshops for the coaches and parents of 9- to 15-year-old basketball players. Athletes in that group showed drops in anxiety scores, while the comparison group’s went up (Smoll, Smith and Cumming, 2007). Toughness grows faster when the adults are on the same page.

Pressure helps too, when it’s planned. In a two-year study with elite youth cricketers, Bell, Hardy and Beattie (2013) built pressure into training and taught players ways to cope with it. The trained group improved in mental toughness compared with a control group.

When it’s more than toughness

Nerves before games are normal. Some struggles aren’t a toughness problem, and no drill should stand in for care. Talk to your child’s doctor or a licensed mental health professional if worry, sadness or irritability lasts for weeks, if sleep, eating or school starts slipping, or if your child dreads every practice.

If your child talks about hurting themselves or you’re worried about their safety, call or text 988 in the US to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. Mental training builds sport skills. It isn’t therapy or treatment.

• Youth sports burnout: signs parents can spot
• How to help a child with sports anxiety

Give their mental game a training plan

Kids get tough the same way they get fast: small reps, repeated, with adults who make it safe to miss. One cue word. One calm car ride. One drill a week.

For athletes 13 and up, that’s what reset is built for. It’s the mental training app for athletes: short lessons, recorded guidance and an AI Coach built on three steps. Notice. Name. Return. Athletes under 18 join with a parent or guardian’s permission. Try a 2-minute reset, or join the waitlist.